The Sleep Struggles We Never Understood

If you grew up lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why sleep didn’t just happen, you weren’t alone. Many of us were told, “Just close your eyes and go to sleep,” but it never worked that way. Now, we know why—sleep isn’t a switch; it’s a state our nervous system has to transition into.

For some, sleep feels like a natural and effortless process. They lie down, close their eyes, and drift off peacefully. But for others, the mere act of falling asleep can feel like an uphill battle. Racing thoughts, physical restlessness, and sensory sensitivities make the transition from wakefulness to sleep difficult. As children, many of us were accused of "stalling" bedtime when, in reality, our nervous systems were struggling to downshift into a calm, sleep-ready state.

Why Some Kids (and Adults) Struggle with Sleep

Understanding why sleep was so difficult for some of us requires looking deeper into the way our nervous system processes the world. Some key factors include:

• Overactive Nervous Systems – If your brain and body doesn't feel calm, sleep won’t come easily. When the nervous system is in a heightened state of alertness—whether due to anxiety, stress, or sensory overload—it sends signals that make it difficult to relax. Even as kids, many of us experienced this in ways we couldn’t explain. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning,  feeling like sleep was impossible wasn’t just about "not being tired"—it was about an internal state that wouldn’t let us rest.

• Sensory Sensitivities – Noises, textures, or even pajamas can make rest difficult. For some children, the seams on pajamas, the weight of the blankets, or the sounds of the house at night can be overwhelming. If you remember constantly adjusting your bedding, feeling irritated by the texture of your sheets, or needing absolute silence (or background noise, think fan) to fall asleep, you were likely experiencing sensory processing differences.

• Deep Pressure Deficiency – The lack of deep touch input can make falling asleep harder. Many children instinctively seek deep pressure—snuggling under heavy blankets, hugging pillows, or curling into tight spaces—because it helps regulate their nervous system. Without this input, the body may remain in a restless state, making it hard to feel secure enough to sleep.

As kids, we had no words for these struggles. We just knew that "going to sleep" wasn’t as simple as everyone made it sound. We might have been told we were "being difficult" or "just making excuses." But in reality, our nervous system was reacting in a way we didn’t yet understand.

What Helps?

Now that we know more about sleep and sensory regulation, we can create better bedtime environments—both for ourselves and for our kids. Here are some strategies that support the nervous system’s ability to transition into sleep:

• Weighted pillows for deep pressure input. The gentle, consistent pressure from a weighted pillow or blanket mimics the calming effects of a hug, signaling to the nervous system that it’s time to relax. Many people who struggled with sleep as kids find relief in the deep pressure of weighted bedding.

• Maximize physical exertion throughout the day. When the body gets the physical input it craves throughout the day, it can better settle and calm for bed instead of looking for that input at bed time. 
  
  

• White noise for consistent, soothing sound. For those sensitive to sudden noises, white noise machines or apps can provide a steady auditory backdrop that drowns out disruptive sounds. This is especially helpful for children (or adults) who need a predictable sensory environment to feel at ease.

• Sensory-friendly nighttime routines. Creating a calming bedtime routine can make a significant difference. Activities like taking a warm bath, using lavender essential oils, reading a book in dim lighting, or engaging in gentle stretching can help signal the body that sleep is approaching.

Breaking the Cycle for the Next Generation

If you grew up struggling to sleep, you might see the same patterns in your own children. The good news is that we now have tools to support their nervous systems in ways our parents didn’t. Instead of just telling our kids to "go to sleep," we can help them create an environment that actually allows them to do so.

That might mean letting them have a fan running for white noise, investing in sensory-friendly bedding, or allowing them to move around and self-regulate before bed instead of expecting instant stillness. Instead of punishing them for "stalling," we can recognize that their bodies and brains might need a little extra time to transition into rest.

Let’s Talk About It

Did you struggle with sleep as a kid? Have you found solutions that work for you now? Let’s start the conversation! Share your experiences in the comments—your story might help someone else finally find the rest they need.